Tis Mighty Cold

Agh, i hate this super cold weather. I guess its better then it being super hot as far as comfort... since there's something pleasant about being warmed up when its cold. It's a lot more difficult to cool down when its hot. Still, cold hands are annoying. Especially when you're trying to type. I should wear gloves. That reminds me of when i joked with my brother about how he should get mittens instead of gloves when he moved to NY. Something funny about having your hand covered up like an animal's paw instead of having individual fingers free. I dunno... we're weird.

Got an unexpected phone call today from Blizzard Entertainment, asking me to go in on Friday for an interview. Surprisingly enough, none of the places that i inquired about over the weekend contacted me. A little dissapointing, but offset by Blizzard, which i'm super excited about. It's only a tech support job, either taking calls or answering emails according to the guy, but its Blizzard! I wasn't expecting to hear from them at all, especially since i sent them my resume a month ago. I think every person that's played a computer game in their childhood would love to work for them. Andrew said that once you're hired its easier to move into better, and more interesting positions with them. So i really can't wait to meet with them. And even though its just tech support, i think its something i could be pretty good at, after all those years helping friends with all their computer problems. There's something nice about being able to do something that you're actually good at. So anyway, i guess i can spend the next couple of days reading up on whatever i can about World of Warcraft so i can be prepared and what not. And hopefully, i can finally nail an interview and finally have things go well for me. But i probably shouldn't get my hopes up... i seem to have a penchant for being extremely let down.

Argh, who keeps visiting my page that uses Netzero!

A buttload of DVD's to get tomorrow... Spider-Man 2, Daredevil Director's Cut, and Hero.

That and i want the Jay-Z and Linkin Park CD. That stuff rocks.

All these things to buy... so little money! I wonder if those other places will contact me back... i really want the Blizzard job, but i'm still really interested in working for PC Club. It's funny how my job pursuits keep cycling... from stuff dealing with my major, like banking or finance, to random opportunities with my hobbies concerning computers and video games. Kinda strange. I'd enjoy working with the latter so much more, yet i'd imagine the former would be much more beneficial monetarily. Which raises the question... do something practical, or do something you love? At this point... i really want to do something i love. I want to get some enjoyment out of life. And show certain people that i can change... and i can pursue goals in my life. Whether or not i can find success and satisfaction is another matter. My fingers are crossed.


I struggle for the words and then give up
My heads up with the birds on the t-hut
A little piece of mind that I know better
That the plain disgrace of all my letters

After that the floodgates opened up
And I fell in love with everyone I saw
Please take your time I'm not in any rush
And it's in everything I ever write

It's not as if I need the extra weight
Confused enough by life so thanks a lot
Lonely written words for company
Just raise the roof this once and follow me

Hmm, Might As Well...

I wasn't going to write anything more, and instead just leave my thoughts to an email to Harriet, but on second thought i figured i might as well just throw everything in my noggin on here. Doesn't really matter so much to me anymore what people know i'm thinkin. So rather then recollect my thoughts, i'll just paste the email i wrote to her, with a few minor things removed.

Hey Harriet!

I know you’re probably out busy and having fun so you can’t reply very quickly… I forgot, I think you said you were takin a trip with Chris for a little bit? I’m always forgetful about those things. Well anyway, I’m just writing to gather my thoughts. Ususally I’ll just write them on my webpage, but I really don’t want to today since I’m kind of unsure about certain people reading what I’m thinking right now, especially since I don’t even know what I’m thinking right now. I don’t know. It’s weird I guess… just when things feel like they’re starting to perk up and get better for me, here I am feeling all sad and depressed again. I’m starting to think like… if there’s a God out there, he doesn’t want me to enjoy myself or something. Like here I am getting to go to Disneyland, only for it to rain right when we’re supposed to go, and then clear up the next day. I don’t have the warm family things that I wish for on Thanksgiving, and I know Christmas is just going to be the same. And I can’t even get a freakin job to make my mom happy and keep her from worrying about me. Somedays I just don’t know what to do anymore… and I seriously just want to give up on myself. Like why do I keep fighting this uphill battle when I keep slipping and falling everytime I try to climb it? I just want to stop and yell “what the hell am I doing wrong?”

Anyway, I don’t really know what else to say… I know there isn’t much more you can say to help me except to keep trying and that good things will come. And as much as I keep wanting to believe you, it just gets harder and harder to imagine things turning around for the better. The more I fight, the more I lose. And the more I lose, the greater a toll it takes on me. I wonder if all these false senses of hope are doing more harm then good. I guess that’s it for now, I don’t want to keep bothering you with this stuff, or let you worry about me. I really don’t know if even you can make me feel better right now. But knowing you, I know you’ll try. Talk to you soon!

Stan I Am

*yawn*

So sleepy as i make this update... and its only 7:30. Yikes! That's what i get for goin out and doin stuff. Stuff makes you tired. Bad Stuff! Bad!

Arms and legs are hurtin after playing Football this afternoon... still, some fun times. Although like expected, none of us can tackle Bryce. And lucky me had to be fumblor today and lose the ball a couple of times. Darn it. At least i somewhat redeemed myself with an interception later, but oh well. Got a few catches, a recovered fumble for a TD. The worst part... is the whole lot of us will wake up pretty damn sore tomorrow morning after playing for 2 hours. Even so, it would be nice to get out and play football or basketball or at least something every week or couple of weeks. Too bad everyone is always busy or away at school.

Man, it's only Friday? Two more weekend days left. Bleh, feel so useless. I need a freakin job so i can cherish this free time again instead of dreading it. I guess i'll contact Enterprise Rent A Car about their management opportunity they contacted me about.

I've decided i can't like a person who doesn't like crushed red pepper on their pizza. It rules all kind of cool. Mmm.

I finished the Phil Jackson book the other day... a nice, quick and easy read. A few interesting points, although it felt rather convenient that he mentions all sorts of things that happen to come into play later on.

Jennifer said she got me a Care Bear =) Well, one of the Care Bear Cousins that are different animals. She got me the monkey =D You're all free to shower me with cute cuddly monkey gifts. I love stuffed aminals. I'm such a softie.

Thanks to Anna for making me a pumpkin pie! It's declicious! The sugar thing wasnt so bad, i think it tastes fine =) Thanks dearie!

Nothing really else interesting... hope people had nice thanksgivings and stuff.

Thanksgiving Charms

So... it's the Thanksgiving holiday, so a long weekend for everyone. Holidays... have never been particularly exciting for me. Especially ones that revolve around family and what not. Our family has never been particularly close, and these days with my brother gone in New York, there's even less of a reason to really celebrate things. A far cry from the days when i was younger and the family would drive up to San Francisco and visit my aunts and cousins. There are times where i definitely wish that i had one of those large tight knit families that make a big deal and go overboard celebrating these things. It's one of those things i envision for myself in the future. Maybe its a response to my own childhood, one of those things where you wish for the things that never satisfied you when you're young. But i really do hope for a family like that. I guess i have a lot of love to share =) In the meantime, it's a little disheartening. In previous years, having someone else to care about made things a lot easier, taking the pressure off the distance from my family. I'm not sure how things will be now. I suppose i don't really have too much to be thankful for this time around. Probably a day of catching up on DVDs i've been meaning to watch... yup, i lead an eventful life.

I guess we're all planning on playing football on Friday. As reluctant as i am to tackle (a vote to use flags is a vote for the people!) and a preference to play basketball, Nik's right in saying its nice to just get out with a bunch of friends. Everyone's so busy and occupied these days, its been difficult to spend time with the people you grew up with, as lame as that sounds. But what can i say, as indifferent and apathetic as i can be, my friends mean a lot to me. Especially when people begin to drift apart as you get older, and everyone pursue's their own thing. It's been hard enough on me keeping in touch with old friends. Unlike everyone else who remained concentrated in Irvine, i had to leave a lot of acquaintences in Santa Cruz and San Diego. I need to be more active in keeping in touch with them. Hopefully i'll get to see both Andrew and Harriet this winter. Which reminds me, i should fire her an email.

So what else? Fenny left me a message the other day, saying sorry that she's been so busy, and she'd give me a call when she's free. I dunno, i suppose its a small consolation. I really do want to get a chance to spend time with her. But what can ya do, people have other things to concentrate and take care of first. As much as i wish i could build that boyfriend/girlfriend repoire with certain people, i know its pretty much wishful thinking. It's funny that on these personal aspects of my life i could probably be classified as a "dreamer," yet on just about everything else i'm completely different. What can i say, i'm a puzzle in a puzzle all smashed into a very confused brain.

You know why i never watch those medical dramas? There's some gross ass stuff in them. That said, the show House absolutely rules. Funny that with all my free time i really don't get into new shows on TV or having anything i watch regularly anymore, outside of like.. .Simpsons and Smallville. But dang, i hope its not one of those shows that gets cancelled quickly. I love it.

And um... i guess that's all. Anyone want to go see National Treasure with me?

Some More Randomness

I don't really feel like going to sleep yet, and i'm kinda bored, so based on a thread on a forum i go to, which asked if you've ever cyber-stalked someone, i decided to google my name and see what pops up. I'm happy to know that if any one out there wanted to stalk me, the first thing they'd see is my Blogger profile and my blog. I always thought it would be so neat to have an old acquaintence or classmate that you totally forgot about look you up randomly. Wish that would happen to me... guess i'm not wanted :( Aside from other random things i saw from the search results... an old project from my senior year in high school... a page that listed partners for a computer science project back when i was in Santa Cruz... mention of me on my friend's old webpage... and a couple references to my old webpages that died. Also of note? Stanley Fu may also be some fellow in Africa, or a ranked member of the World Pool Comp (#78 out of 216). I guess its harder to do if you have a generic name that a lot of people share. My name brought up 8 pages of results. "Fumanstan" brings up even more random webpages i've made, and a ton of links to random forums that i've registered at. Even my Yahoo auctions ratings. Pretty funky. I'll be sure to meet girls with weird names so i can dig up shit about them online before getting myself into anything =P Although it gets hard when asian people's names are always the same.

I thought about looking up some other people, until i realized there aren't a whole lot of girls or anything that i was really interested in throughout my past, or have too generic names to really find anything. Ah well.

My stomach hurts... bleh. Nothing really else new going on... got a job interview tomorrow morning for some data entry stuff. Nothing spectacular, but something that could hold me over until i either 1) figure out what i want to do, 2) get contacted for a position better suited for a career, or 3) proceed to take a few community college courses to expand my abilities and better suit myself for other jobs. Still, it would be nice to get this, as i certainly could use the cash flow.

It's still kinda early, but i guess i'll just head to bed. Gotta wake up a bit earlier tomorrow for the interview... then off to lunch and random stores with Jon as ususal on Tuesdays.

Sigh..

Bleh, i wrote this long ass thing and Blogger was being retarded and didn't post it. Stupid piece of crap!

Quick recap... Friday, job interview was a bust. Went out with Jennifer for sushi and a drive around the beach. Still awkward, but nice seeing her after awhile. Her dog was smelly like poo. Watching him wag his tail and try and lick me always makes me happy. I love that dog. As awkward as it is, i think i need to keep in contact with friendly faces to keep me going and upbeat about life.

Saturday did crap.

Sunday, Disneyland got cancelled because of the weather. It's not raining at the moment, but no reason to force Judy to drive up, especially since it could rain at any minute, which would suck if we were at the park. Least that means Judy can spend the day working hard, right? RIGHT?!?! hehe. Hopefully we go before the year ends... i was looking forward to going so much. Can't say i'm not extremely dissapointed though, especially seeing the sun shine through every once in awhile and think we could be on silly little kiddy ride. =(

Sucks because i could have gone to watch football with Kevin instead if i knew ahead of time (G-Men down 14-0 in the 3rd right now). Kev's vendetta against the Manning family is uncanny. I think he fears the day Peyton demolishes the Pats, and is taking it out on him while he still can =) Least i can watch the Laker/Bulls game tonight now...

Applied for a couple things on Wells Fargo's website, to Ana's suggestion. Management Trainee and Loan Processor positions that don't require any experience. Probably better for me then a 15 hour teller position.

Uh... i had written a whole ton of other crap, but i forgot. Stupid piece of crap blogger.

Some randomness...

A few days ago i went to Savon to buy some milk, and noticed that their logo had this little fellow on it.




There's really nothing else to mention about it, except i thought the lil' guy looked cute and silly. Shrug.

Yesterday some guy called me about a job while i was out playing basketball, and my Dad took down his name and number. I figured since i just signed up for the staffing agency i'd wait a few days out of courtesy to see what opportunities would come up. Today he called again, and asked me to check out their company website and see if i was interested, and give him a call back if i was. So i looked, thought it was alright, but didn't call back. He calls me AGAIN late this afternoon asking if i looked, and after some deliberation i agreed to go in tomorrow for an interview. I figure 3 calls is worth a look. The company is a real estate developer, and i guess the job would entail some consulting and statistical analysis, but i'll find out more tomorrow. It looks fairly interesting i suppose, and it might actually put some of the things i learned in Economics to good use, with Cost-Benefit analysis and such. So we'll see how that goes tomorrow. It's a bit far, in San Juan Capistrano, but hey, it'll give me a chance to zoom around in my car!

Gone out to shoot around on the basketball court the last two days... both times i've stopped when my back started hurting. That probably isn't a good sign. Stupid back. I'm prolly gonna be one of those old guys complaining about their bad back in the future.

Car research + NFS Underground 2 means i'm all into cars and stuff now. Not hardcore ricer style, but a definite interest in models and specs. Kinda neat i guess.

Got my hair trimmed short today too. Was gettin a bit long that i needed to part it, so its nice to have it short and messy again.

I guess that's it... Lakers > Clippers. And Abe owes me a spicy chicken burrito =)

Somehow it's different everyday
In some ways it never fades away
Seems like it's never gonna change
I must be dreaming

Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realize
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all

Scroll Buttons? You Guys OK?

A couple of new and random things to mention for today... went in this morning to a staffing agency called Helpmates, that had called me a week ago asking if i was interested. Wanted to wait and see what happened with another job interview, but since that failed miserably, i decided to give them a call yesterday, and today i went in to their office. The whole thing took way long, since its a really small place and they were helping 3 different people, including myself, get started with things. Pretty much had to fill out a ton of paper work, applications and agreements, wasted 10 minutes on a terrible office safety video, and then took a little written test and then some time on a computer to test my computer skills. The computer tests were a snap, testing my typing speed and error rate, my ability to use the 10 key pad, both alone and along with the rest of the keyboard, and then program specific applications, like Word and Excel. It was pretty neat, the lady there said i scored 'off the charts' and the numeric and alphanumberic tests, and she's never seen anyone type so fast with that low of an error rate. I was at about 81 words per minute with a 1% error rate during a 5 minute test. Kinda cool. I'm not used to getting compliments, so i just kinda nod the whole time. Anyway, one of the ladies there said there's already a job she can think of that i'd be perfect for in Irvine, which needed someone fast with data entry. So that's kinda neat... once they check out my references they said they'd give me a call with info about who they sent my resume out to. It's not exactly a career, but hey, i need the money. I got a car, gas, and entertainment expenses to pay for =)

Aside from that, went off to lunch and random stores with Jon afterwards, and i picked up The Iron Giant today on DVD. I caught most of it on Cartoon Network this weekend... everyone seems to love this movie, and its directed by Brad Bird, who directed The Incredibles and did a lot in the first few seasons of The Simpsons. Pretty cool, gonna check it out after i'm done writing all this.

I also got my Strong Bad DVD in the mail today! YAY! Along with my free gift, a Strong Badia STOP sign keychain. So on with my keys it goes. I think i have too much crap on my key chain now... its getting a little bulky. Especially considering i only really have 2 keys, my car and my house. I've got a Homestar "Star" keychain, the STOP sign, a Lakers championship tag, and my UCSD bottle opener. Not to mention an Albertsons card, and my car's keyless entry thing. I should pull something off, but i like them all. As for the Strong Bad DVD, pretty cool. I went through a few things on the first disc... it has 3 emails that arent online, a compilation of all the scroll button jingles (keep on scrollin on...), a compilation of all his little beginning email jingles. Found an easter egg with a cartoon that the creator's never finished. There's even commentary on a few of them, which is really neat. It's gonna be hard goin through all of them...

Should be goin to Disneyland with Judy sometime next week. Yay! I haven't been there since like... high school band days, so it should be fun. I need to watch Nightmare Before Christmas before going so i can stare lovingly at the Haunted Mansion and feel like a little kiddie =D

Girls and My Life...

It's kind of strange, that i finally feel calm and have started to get my mind straightened out about things after reducing whatever ties i had with Jennifer. I suppose Judy was right all the time; that continuing to spend time with your ex can lead to bad situations. I'm still not completely sure what happened there, and why certain feelings arose when they did, but the last week and a half or two have certainly been a bit more subdued. I guess it really was a feeling of loneliness, and a natural reaction to turn to someone else that can make you feel happy. And as much as i'd want to continue spending time with Jennifer like before, i know that i couldn't do it without sitting there wondering what kind of relations she's having with some other guy. Could i not ask? Yeah. But it would drive me crazy. I guess in your first real relationship you have all these childish dreams and thoughts, that everything would always be like they were. You really think you're going to spend the rest of your life with that person, have kids, talk about what it's going to be like to be married and have a house. It's different when you think how few couples you see can say that they were high school sweethearts or something to the like. Moral of the story? Things never turn out the way you want them too. At least not exactly.

I wonder to myself if i didn't give myself a long enough time to fully get over my past relationship. It was during my final weeks with Jennifer, when it had become painfully obvious that we were no longer in love with each other for the last couple months, that i started chatting with Judy and only a month and a half after that when i really started falling for her. Maybe i needed more time alone to have sorted things out then. The old adage that "time heels all wounds." But you know what else heels your wounds? Finding someone else to hold your attention. And you know, at the time it was probably a great thing. My last quarter of school didn't come in heartbreak, it came with excitement that there could actually be some pretty chick in France that liked all the same things i did and could relate with. Granted, it didn't exactly work out like i wanted, but the fact that the opportunity was there made things so much easier. I didn't have to sit and think what my ex was doing, or feel entirely alone and unwanted in the world. I'm not saying that my attraction came simply because i was trying to find a distraction. If anything, i had stronger feelings for Judy then i did at first with Jennifer. For 6 months of my life i could actually wake up with a stupid grin on my face in anticipation, rather then desperation. I miss that. Both the feeling and the interaction.

Every time i whine to Harriet about how i'm struggling with things, she asks me why i'm so eager to find another girl; that relationships just lead to more problems, arguments, forgotten dates, and the such. Funny, that i seem to be having my share of problems without actually having a girlfriend. But i don't know, i guess its really easy to miss something that was a large chunk of your life for so long. You miss talking on the phone or chatting everyday, asking how their day was, little things like holding hands or small pecks on the cheek, putting your arm around them when you're cold, being able to hug someone tightly, and just looking into someone's eyes and seeing that glint of affection. When i was in Santa Cruz and took a Greyhound Bus to Oakland to meet Jennifer who was there with her family, she told me it was obvious the way i looked at her, enough that her Mom would notice (kids trying to hide a relationship, how childish that seems to me now.) There's just... so many little things to appreciate when you're involved with someone. It's easily worth the trade off between whatever arguments or problems you may encounter. People like to feel wanted. Why else do you see so many abusive relationships still going on?

And in the mean time, with me going 0/3 this year as far as girlies go (first break up, failing with Judy, and a dead end again with Jennifer), i wonder how safe it is for me to be seeking out someone else? The last two weeks i've been keeping in contact with Fenny, who i had a huge crush on 2 years ago. Perhaps the difference here is that there is less of an emotional attachment. Unlike Jennifer, who i shared so much history with, or Judy, where i was so worried about screwing up that it was hard to be myself, i can already see myself being able to relax a bit with Fen. I guess there's less to be concerned about when you don't have overwhelming feelings, like i did with the other girls. I like her, but there isn't a yearning or as much of my heart out there at the moment. I guess that could change when we find time to hang out, but we'll see. Or maybe i'm just telling myself that to make myself feel better. And maybe i'm trying too hard to find a girl in my life. Then again, considering everyone tells me how i never get out and do anything exciting, this oughta count for something, no? Still need to go to Disneyland with Judy when she has free time. I really wanna see the Nightmare Before Christmas stuffs :(

Who's going to my site that uses NetZero? Or AT&T?

Still sore as fuck. Damn it. I hate football. When you have trouble walking up and down stairs, you are in serious pain.

I can't believe i wrote so much so early in the morning.

Sore...

Alright, so i'm pretty damn sore right now after spending about 3 hours down at UCI playing flag football. There probably isn't a muscle in my body that isn't aching a bit. My right arm hurts from throwing a bit, my legs hurt from running, my back is stiff... exercise can really blow sometimes! Well, on the bright side it was pretty fun playing football for the first time in awhile. It sucked for the first hour with people flaking out and only 5 people, but it was pretty cool once more people showed up. Especially watching 2 girls play with us =) I'm even more surprised that they tried as hard as they did. Cool beans. So outside of one really bad flea flicker attempt, i'm glad i didn't look too terrible out there, which is always a good thing. Hopefully we'll get to play again come Thanksgiving time. As for me, i'm sure that i'll have a hard time moving at all when i wake up tomorrow. That should make for an interesting weekend.

As for other things... not much else going on. Doesn't look like i had any luck with that job, since no one called me back. I think on Monday i'll just call up a staffing agency and hopefully get something to hold me over until something more meaningful comes along.

Finally bought Phil Jackson's book, The Last Season. Should be an interesting read while i tought out the Lakers struggling a bit on the year.

Over 100 miles on my car! Need more places to go... or at least a girl to take out =( Hopefully Fen will be less busy sooner then later...

I need some chapstick.

So tired... don't wanna go to sleep so early... bleh.

Incredible!

Caught The Incredibles this afternoon with Jon, who wanted to watch it a 2nd time. Fantastic movie, as expected from Pixar. The movie isn't as cutesy like Pixar's other movies, and there's more action to it (rated PG, versus G like all of their other movies), and it really feels like they took a more adult story with elements that kids can enjoy rather then taking a kids movie and adding elements that adults can enjoy. Kind of reminds me of Disney's Atlantis, which felt more adult/action oriented. The movie just did an amazing job developing the characters and story, something a lot of live action superhero movies have trouble doing. It's very easy to see where all of the lead characters are coming from and their motivation. While the story and powers are somewhat generic, Pixar just does a marvelous job at storytelling, making cliche hero situations exctiing.

While the movie didn't have as many side-splitting and laugh out loud humor, i think there's a certain charm with the way it displayed the small and subtle jokes that i found very amusing. Little things like watching tiny footsteps walk, exasperated expressions, or just silly comments (like Bomb Voyage) made me chuckle throughout the whole movie. And of course, the visuals were simply amazing. Pixar did a great job with their first human only film, and there were some real impressive effects, especially during the fight and chase sequences. It really drew me in, and made me forget that i was watching an animated film. Also, Pixar did a perfect job with the voice casting. Unlike Dreamworks animated films, like Shrek, SharkTale, or the upcoming Madagascar (featuring a hippo, judee!), which often bank on celebrity voices as the main attraction, Pixar's films seem to be driven more on story. Ever notice that Pixar's movies never advertise the actors doing the voices? Regardless, the voice work captured the emotions perfectly. While i know most of my praise is simply because i love superheroes and stuff (i wanna be one), it really is a great movie.

I was a little dissapointed in the new short film Boundin'. Kind of a weird tune/story about a sheep and a jackalope. Wasn't particularly funny, and the song wasn't really interesting to me, but the animal design was amusing and cute. Definitely no where near as cool/funny/cute/awesometastic as For The Birds that was before Monsters, Inc. That ruled.

Nothing else particularly new... havent heard from Extended Mortgage about the job interview i had yesterday. Still hoping. A new Strong Bad DVD was released, and i ordered it as soon as i heard. A little steep at 30 bucks, but hey, Strong Bad rules. He's not on my car for nuthin! Didn't pick up anything else, although Gone with the Wind came out today and it was really tempting. I've never really seen the whole thing, but its a classic i should really see. Went to lunch with Jon... eating a Family Size of Popcorn Chicken by yourself is nuts. Seriously. Was nice getting to drive my car around... i really love it =) I wanna just drive around whenever i get the chance, but gas prices have to be insanely high =( I guess that's it for now... hope i get some good job news this week.

My Car Part Deux!

Took a couple of pictures of my car, now up in my pictures section or click below =)

New Car!

Welp, after a month of no transportation for myself, i finally got a brand spankin new car! It took quite a long time, but after a long day of sitting, waiting, and discussing, i came home today with a Mazda6 SportWagon. I was hoping for a better color, but the cheapest one came in white, so i'll have to be satisfied with that. I must say, my mom did a pretty good job getting a price she was happy with. The first dealership in Tustin gave her a flat out no, without even making an effort and giving us a deal. So we drove down to the Irvine Auto Center, took a look around, and my mom got the sales lady to go and see what we can do. So i ended up getting the car for an even 21K after all the tax and licensing fees on a car that was stickered at a little over 26k. The other dealership wouldn't give us anything less then 25k out the door. Not too shabby! I never thought about how much tax and crap adds to the cost of a car.

There were a couple cars with a few more options, like leather seats or side extentions and a spoiler, but i had to make some sacrifices to save a grand :( Even so, i'm pretty impressed with what i got in it. I got an upgraded Bose Audio System with a 6-CD changer, which kicks all sorts of ass since i have a handful of cds. A moonroof which is kinda spiffy. A fancy sport grill to make the front of my car look a tad fancier. A butt load of extra air bags to protect my peeps! And even a roof rack that i'll probably never use while i have the car. And its a V6 with 220 horsepower, so i can haul ass when i need to do and climb those pesky mountains on the way to Vegas =D

So this has definitely been a big fat plus during a pretty crappy period of my life. Maybe everything'll start going well again? Next up... get a freakin job. Maybe i'll manage to do well on my job interview tomorrow afternoon. It sure would take a burden off me... although that just means i'll need to start paying back my mom for the car (yes, i have to end up paying for it... ain't no free rides here anymore).

So that's all folks. Maybe i'll take a couple pictures of my car tomorrow morning to put on my page. Yay i can finally put my UCSD Alumni plate holder to good use! Yay!

Ho Hum

So... i'm spending the weekend cleaning my room(s) and stuff. Its weird how you much junk i end up with; things that i know i'll never look at but still not want to throw away. I must have a half dozen or more different free magazine subscriptions that i've picked up from offers online, and i barely glance at any of them. So today i finally tossed about half my magazines, and put the rest on a shelf to look all nice and organized. My wide range of Maxim, FHM, Stuff, and Blender now reside on a bookshelf in case i ever want/need to ogle over scantily clad ladies. I also have a fat stack of Sporting News and ESPN The Magazines sitting around that i don't quite want to throw out yet. And a slew of video game magazines. Alas, they must go soon.

Stan > Abe in the great free throw shooting contest. Ok, so both our percentages were pretty bad... but a flat ball, late on a cold night, with little light, and not dressed properly are good enough excuses. I'm sure round 2 will come soon enough! Loser buys lunch!

My mom said tomorrow we can go look at car dealerships, and as long as the price is right i can finally get a car. I'm so excited =D Right now the leading contender is the Mazda6 Sportwagon for a bit under 20 grand. I always hated wagons, but i suppose it's practical and kinda sporty. Plus it'll be handy for trips and stuff. Like my eventual trip to Santa Cruz/San Jose when Harriet comes back from Oz. And of course, for more Vegas trips! Who wants to go! I'm driving! (Hopefully)

Some Mortgage company called me on Friday asking if i wanted to interview for a Data Entry job on Monday. So i figure i'll give it a shot. I can type pretty darn fast and i'm all computer savvy and crap, so even if its working with database programs or what not that i don't really know how to use should be easy to learn. But i guess we'll see. As long as its not retail or food, i'm fine. And hopefully it would be something to hold me over while i wait for that stupid insurance thingy.

What else... what else... bought Shrek 2 yesterday and i have the audio commentary playing while i clean and stuff. Puss in Boots is so darn cute when he does that face. That's a cute pussy!

Nuthin really else goin on at the moment... i got this Senior Picture Book thingy from UCSD in the mail today. Just a tiny book with everyone's fancy pictures in it. Naturally i don't know anyone else in it since i didnt have many friends in SD. But kinda nice to keep i suppose.

Gotta make a plan,
Gotta do what's right,
Can't run around in circles,
If you wanna build a life,
But I don't wanna make a plan,
For a day far away,
While I'm young and while I'm able,
All I wanna do is...

Me Against The World

Lately i've been trying to get my thoughts down on my webpage, thinking that if anything it would be somewhat therapeutic. I'm not sure if its actually working very well these days... i suppose its just my way of getting my feelings out there and giving my friends an idea of what's going on with me. The more i sort things out here, the more my mind feels at peace. At least ever so slightly. So even though i really have nothing to say... my thoughts are out there.

Harriet emailed me today with maybe the best advice i've heard in a long time... the way things are going right now, i told her that there probably wasn't anything new she could tell me that could make me feel better. She told me instead... that people will tell me whatever they want and try and help me, and i can try and listen to them all i want, but i can only feel better when i decide that i want to start feeling better. It may sound a little silly, but she's right... for me, and probably others that get stuck in this kind of rut... its so hard to want to turn things around. You just get stuck in this depressing mode, wanting to sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Makes your mind wander, and feel worse and worse thinking that things will never start going right.

It's hard though... its so hard to get past that point. Especially when you try and pull yourself out of these things only to find yourself at the feet of faliure again. Kevin uses this quote from The Shawshank Redemption, talking about Hope being a good thing. I don't know if hope is necessarily all that its cracked up to be. Like the character Red says in the movie, "Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane." You can sit there, hoping and hoping that all these things will eventually come to you... but in reality you may just be setting up for dissapointment.

I don't know.. i can try and rationalize why things are the way they are to no end and it probably won't solve anything. It's hard to go out there and put on a smile and pretend everything is ok when its not. But i'm trying...

Cluttered Minds

Life... will it ever get easier? These days it just feels like nothing can go right... no matter what you do, some angry dude up in the stars thinks its a lot more fun to watch you struggle and suffer then to see you happy, relieved, or relaxed. I don't even know what i'm looking for... or what i want. I want to believe that its written somewhere that things are scheduled to get better, and that after so many downs things just HAVE to get better with time. But at the current rate, i'm not sure that'll ever happen. What if i already peaked? Maybe i used up all my luck in my first 21 years of life, and that 22 and on i'm just running on fumes.

I hate this feeling... being alone... feeling like a faliure... at first you take things day by day... but quickly days are turning into months. After awhile, you begin to wonder what's worth fighting for. The light at the end of the tunnel just gets darker and darker. It feels like i reach out to people only to have my hand slapped back. It's sad when even a friend you haven't seen in a long while comments that you look depressed. It's taking so much strength to avoid a breakdown. I lied. I know what i want. I just want to be happy. Anything... anyone... just please, let me be happy again. I need it.

Elections and Things

So the polls are starting to close now over on the east coast... for whatever reason i'm pretty interested in the results. I guess i'm at that age where i should start paying attention to these things... its far harder for an 18 year old to be very political. That said, while i voted for Kerry it wouldn't concern me too much if Bush was re-elected.

Contemplating whether its worth the effort to apply for jobs based in LA... my mom gave me the go-ahead to apply if i want to, saying we'd discuss the possibility of moving or commuting if it comes to that. At the moment, i figure i'll give it a shot. Its difficult weighing the factors involved... like the possibility of doing something far more interesting/intriguing to me (working at a game company like THQ) at the cost of having to commute or pay for rent and living expenses. The fact that i'm dragging my feet on pursuing less attractive opportunities to me that are closer to home... has me considering all my options. throw in the fact that the job would be full time, with overtime and weekends a definite, having a busy job to consume my life might be the best thing for me now. Plus.. in another year, even more of my best friends will be moving on to other things in life... pharm school for Abe, med stuff for Nik, Kevin's already gone in SD, Jon is already off and married... maybe staying in Irvine may not be the best thing for me now. The most enjoyable times in my life came when i was in Santa Cruz and San Diego... no matter how much i hate change and confusion in my life. Finding stability elsewhere might be a good thing. Of course, i'm getting ahead of myself... i'll prepare a cover letter and tailor my resume for this tonight or tomorrow morning, and see what happens.

That said, i still see the job listing for WAMU in Irvine on their website... so maybe they're still doing interviews. Maybe i have a chance?

My back is killing me after hitting the basketball court today and shooting around for 30+ minutes. I've had back issues for awhile now... kind of annoying. I should probably try and strengthen it. That and quit slouching. *whip*

Lakers tip off tonight! I'm so excited =)

I don't know what i'd do without Harriet. She always manages to cheer me up, replying to my long ass emails of me complaining and whining to her. The sister i always wanted... ahhh, why couldn't my brother be a chick.

The Politics of It All...

Tomorrow's election day... i already sent in my absentee ballot on Saturday so i "made my vote count" so to speak. I voted for Kerry... as well as for other things like Stem Cell Research and against anything that would have raised taxes or cost money, outside of the tax on incomes over 1 million dollars. For the most part, its hard for me to really care about how how things turn out when so much if it feels so trivial. I just don't understand the idea of throwing support towards one political party or the other, when there are so many issues that that you can disagree on within your own party. Why not just vote for whatever candidates have the most in common with your own beliefs, rather then voting for republicans for the sake of being republican, or vice versa. I know there's a lot involved behind it, like financial backing and maintaining power... but as the little guy, it just doesn't feel worth it.

It reminds me of this time during my Sophmore year, when one of my friends was extremely adament in voting simply because of the struggles women and others had to go through to earn that right. I always thought that was a terrible reason... i mean, we have the right to bare arms, but that doesn't mean we should all do so because that right exists. Politics always confuse the hell out of me. *flexes his 3 on the AP Gov test*

No word from WAMU, so i'm guessing i failed yet again. That kind of blows. No word from that Insurance thing either... and no real indication on the time frame i can expect to be contacted. Which means... more boredom, and more wasting my life. Good Grief.

Basketball season tips off tomorrow! I'm so excited :) I was trying to find Phil Jackson's book the other day at Barnes and Noble, but to no avail. I really need something to read. Maybe i'll re-read Da Vinci Code... Jon has my Angels and Demons still :(

A buttload of unpassed out halloween candy = too much chocolate for Stan

Anna owes me a bajillion pies :)

Anyone want to watch The Incredibles sometime on Friday?