Aching

Another fairly constructive weekend, which is always nice coming off a busy week of work. Especially happy that i got caught up with a lot of DVDs that i've been meaning to watch. Friday... watched Ghost in the Shell. I have to say... i wasn't particularly impressed with it. It's probably one of the big Anime titles here in the States, and for whatever reason i just didn't "get it." I know there's a lot of philosophical ideas littered throughout the film, but none of it really connected with me. It wasn't a bad film, i just didn't see anything great in it.

I also watched Alien vs. Predator... which wasn't bad. I think what dissapointes me the most is that it had the potential to be so much better. It lacked the suspense and sense of dread that the previous movies in their respective franchises had, and it really should have been another 15-20 minutes longer to add more depth to the characters and have a little more actual AvP action in there.

Pictionary online with Nik and Anh-Thu was fun... there's a lot more difficult words to draw then i remember. *skip*

Saturday... spent pretty much the whole afternoon at UCI playing a mix of football and basketball. I'm pretty sore right now from it, but it was a lot of fun. Nik, set that up every weekend =) Football was limited since we split up for half the guys to scrimmage against these guys practicing for an IM team, but the rest of us had a real good 2 on 2 basketball game before we started giving out at the end. Football was fun though... got a couple of interceptions, and ripped a ball that Nik's hands thanks to my awesometacular strength. *flex* Too bad Nik also crushed me on a tackle (my calves are aching). Still, some great exercise.

After watching AvP, i wanted to check out Predator 2. Fairly solid film, although Danny Glover just isn't as believable to watch in an all out action film then Arnold was in the first film. Still, some cool scenes in there, although i didn't really like the dark set pieces where most of the action took place. Also got around to rewatching Van Helsing on DVD. 4 movies i got out of the way this weekend. Cool beans.

Spend a lot of the afternoon throwing out stuff and cleaning up my bonus room some more. This is going to be my little project for some time, customizing it as my own media room. Threw out a bunch of old computer stuff, including a ton of cd cases and boxes and some old hardware. There's still some more things i'm hoping to clean up, including my other bookshelf. I even tried to hook up my old Nintendo (the original one) but it didn't work quite right :( Oh well. Everything's a bit cleaner now, which i'm happy about.

Should be a busy week of work... hopefully it'll go by fast so we can get to the Super Bowl. Even admist the drama surrounding it. No DVD's for me to get this week, so i have more time to catch up on movies. Not to mention my weekly regiment of Laker games, House, and Smallville to watch during the week. Everything is goin pretty well lately, so i'm pretty happy. If only i had someone to go out with for Valetine's Day. Ah well, can't win em all.

Circumstance and Consequence

It's strange how events playout and drama unfolds sometimes... what seems like minor things can snowball itself into bigger issues with bigger impacts then you'd ever think to happen. These are the type of circumstances that change you as a person, and allow to take deeper and more meaningful looks at yourself and more importantly, your position and relation to those who have meaning in your life. It's difficult for me write about these things; i've always been one to play nice, and prevent any actions that would prevent said situations to escalate into difficult situations. I suppose everyone eventually reaches a point where you're faced head on and left with an unavoidable series of actions that leaves someone more hurt then they should be. It's during these events that i keep myself neutral. I don't like to involve myself in situations where i feel i shouldn't have a say or a right to speak my mind. It's more of a self defense method of keeping myself out of trouble, and the belief that my opinion should play a lesser role in a decision making then your own conscience.

The difficulty in addressing these matters isn't helped much by the fact that our particular circle of friends has always been isolated in these cases. While that's loosened up over the years, it's still rather closed, which leaves me to make these comments online on my page versus in person or on the phone. But for that matter... it's still difficult to piece together my thoughts and my feelings on this, let alone without hurting any feelings or burning any bridges. I'm not a blunt individual, nor do i want to be.

Drifitng away... or being on the verge of being forced to distance yourself from your oldest friend(s) is not a good thing, especially when it's over something that can feel so trivial. I suppose it's a Catch 22... shrouded or covered up in misinformation and misunderstanding that results in an impossible situation. Unfortunately, there's no question that when push comes to shove, you have to pick the side of the person you love. There's really no fighting it, it's simply a rule in life. Whether or not that alters your judgement or perception of things is difficult to see. But what i also know is that in the entire scheme of things, there is evidence that should point you in the other direction. The opinions of your oldest friend's should play a role in how things play out, especially those who entered the situation neutral. There's a reason why we feel how we feel, and why we choose to go the way we go. Granted, the decisions are still your own, however you have to recognize the feelings and actions of those around you. I feel in this whole situation we are the ones that are least likely to be clouded by emotions and half truths.

I guess this all sounds a lot more philosophical then it needs to be. Maybe i'm just in that type of mood. Regardless, being forced to pick sides because people don't want to accept or face a truth that may hurt far more then simply stuffing away emotions seems trivial and petty to me. I suppose it's all due to a handful of half-excuses to avoid hurting feelings that made things worse then they should be.

Bleh, spent more time trying to pick my words carefully then i should have. Maybe we should try and work this all out in person. On a good note, it took me awhile but i finally found this song that kicks ass from the last episode of Smallville. Now i just need to find the lyrics....

The Weekend

A much needed weekend after working 10 hour days most of the last week. Saturday i took Anh-Thu down to San Diego for her interview at UCSD. For the most part it was pretty fun, got to see some guys at Target that i haven't talked to in ages, went to eat with her at BJ's (great stuffed potato!), and went to the outlet mall in Carlsbad. If only it wasn't so frustrating trying to contact my "friends" down there. Nothing like calling 4 or 5 people and having no one pick up or return voice mails, and having to wander around town rather then being able to visit old friends while i waited for Anh-Thu to finish her interview. I don't know... just really dissapointing, although i suppose i shouldn't have expected much. No wonder i never felt very attached to San Diego when i lived there. It was nice talking to Mario for half an hour, and saying hello to Alvy, John, and Lee though. I wish i had more time to chat, but hopefully i'll try and visit again soon. Betty's having a party next Saturday, so maybe i'll be able to head down next weekend after playing football or something.

Anyway, thankfully it was great spending time with Anh-Thu down there. Believe it or not it was pretty interesting going shopping with her, although i'll never understand girls and shopping. It was also really easy talking with her, both on the way down and back up, which made the drive go by pretty quickly. Good chat about life and what not... kind of weird that out of all our friends none of us really spend time with the girlfriends. It was nice getting to know her more though. None of us guys are very personal, so it's always nice having someone that's easy to talk to about more meaningful things. But anyway, the outlet mall was actually kind of neat... makes me want to buy some clothes there, although i'm not one to care very much about my wardrobe. Didn't realize Nik was so picky though after helping Anh-Thu rifle through pants and shirts =P

Today... did a little cleaning, and watched football the rest of the afternoon. Sigh... my teams never win. Oh well. Go Eagles! For some reason i'm really sleepy right now... which is makin it kind of difficult to get my thoughts together and write. So... i guess i'll stop now. Looks like it'll be another busy week at work since WoW continues to have server issues, which means uber emails come in. Hopefully things will go smoothly so i don't have too much overtime, as i always feel burnt out by the end of the week. Take care all.

Oh Yeah

A note concerning my previous post below: Girlies with boyfriends need not apply. Which is strange, as just about all of my female friends have boyfriends. But still, it sure would be nice to spoil someone for V-Day. You know, roses, chocolate, the works.

Overtime all this week to catch up on emails... i'm pretty worn out from it. Lately when i've been getting tired my eyes just start to close and i have difficulty keeping them open. Maybe it's because i'm starring at a computer screen for so long. It's difficult to want to do anything once i get home, except sleep. On the bright side, it means more money, and i get paid this week, so i don't feel as bad spending all the money i have been lately. Just last week i bought Fifth Element, Dodgeball, and Ghost in the Shell on DVD, not to mention the Green Day and Linkin Park/Jay-Z CD's, along with various odds and ends like socks and toothpaste. Plus 70 bucks treating my family out at Taiko, and 20 bucks on pizza for the guys while watching football. Yikes.

Since I let my brother take my Da Vinci Code book with him to NY, i went and ordered the Illustrated Special Edition from B&N since i could get 5 bucks off if i spent more then 50 bucks there. I feel like reading Angels and Demons again too. It should be nice re-reading Da Vinci with all the illustrations, since i can finally picture everything that's happening more clearly. I love both books, and i'm tempted to buy the hardback of Angels & Demons. I wish more of my friends were avid readers so i could get some recommendations for other books. No, comic books and mangas don't count.

Hmmm

You know what i really want? Someone to call my valentine... a girl i can spoil. That would be nice. I guess that's too much to ask these days. If anyone knows a cute little girl that i can spoil with roses or something, let me know =P

In Dreams

Wow, another lengthy period between page updates. Not that i have much to update about, but i really should try and keep up.

The last few weeks i've been more cognizant about my dreams. For the longest time i had difficulty remembering any of my dreams, even right when i wake up. I've heard that people typically have multiple dreams in the evening, and it always bothered me that i had such a difficult time recalling my own. For whatever reason, i've been more aware of my dreams... i'm not really sure why that is. Perhaps in my new state of routine and life i've been able to relax and absorb the information much easier then before. Or maybe the events circling my life has opened up my mind to be aware of such things. Whatever the case is, the dreams i've been having have been strange. More often then not, they've involved random people from my past, particularly old friends from middle school or high school. In fact, not even always friends, and more then occasionally a few classmates that i simply knew have appeared. I've also had a few dreams involving a few people... that perhaps are people that i've had thoughts of forming a better relationship with.

I'm not really sure what to make of it all... i know there are people who believe all your dreams have meaning, and then those who feel they're nothing more then random pictures and events put together based on your memories. I'd like to think there's a reason for what's been happening in my sleep, but i suppose i'll never know. Unless of course, some of the unexpected were to occur that mirrored my dreams. That would be an interesting turn of events, however things like that never seem to happen to me anymore.

I've talked to Harriet on the phone about once a week now since she's came back, and it's been real swell. She mentioned to me online that she was discussing plans to go back to Australia for an extended period of time since she'll be taking the Spring Quarter off from school. Hearing that mad me sad... i don't know. I guess i've just grown accustomed to having her a phone call away, and i've really enjoyed my time talking to her... it's just meant so much to me, and i'd hate to see her leave. I was telling Jennifer the other day that i think i'm able to converse better with girls that i know i'm not interested in or wouldn't pursue. It's just really strange how i can chat with certain people and yet feel incredibly awkward and shy at other times. I wish i could overcome that... i guess its difficult getting caught up in the right thing to say that it's hard to just relax and let things flow.

Day off from work tomorrow for the holiday... although that just means a ton of more work the rest of the week. Hopefully i'm spared from having to work on the weekend so i can go down to San Diego. I haven't visited in so long... and i feel like there are people i should see.

I've stayed up later then i should... the problem with waking up early on a routine is that no matter how late i stay up, i'll still wake up around the same time... being 7:30. Hopefully i get more sleep tonight though... although i need to call my car dealership since my washer fluid thing doesn't really work. I was hoping to hit a basketball court as well... i need the exercise. Guess we'll see.

Destiny

So i'm kind of pondering the whole destiny thing... how it applies to me, and whether or not i should believe in it. I forgot where i came across this, but i saw it mentioned somewhere that the idea of "controlling your own destiny" is a logical fallacy, since destiny by definition is uncontrollable. So in that sense, you can't control your own destiny, only not believe in it. Which, in fact, i'm still on the fence about. Whenever I talk with Harriet, she seems pretty adament in believing that things happen for a reason, and that things will fall in place when the time is right. Despite not sharing that belief, i'm doing my best to adhere to her words, simply because it gives me something to hope for. For the longest time, things used to always work out the way i wanted them too, without me really needing to give an effort. It worked that way throughout high school, and in to college. There really is no other explanation for managing to graduate early despite changing majors, failing multiple classes, going on academic probation, and taking the minimum 12 credits per quarter at UCSD and 15 at UCSC. Even my relationship with Jennifer fell into my lap since she was the one that hit on me. But after college, it feels like that no longer applies. Actively seeking out things is not my forte, nor do i feel particularly comfortable doing so. I suppose that's why it took so long and was so difficult on my emotionally to find a job of interest. While i've been lucky and finally found one big chunk of life that i'm satisfied with by working at Blizzard, i still question whether or not i need to continue to seek out the other things in life. I'm simply not comfortable being the type of guy that initiates conversation or goes out socially to meet new people. And i guess this creates the dillema.

If i don't believe in destiny, history has shown me that i need to create my own path in life, which i'm clearly not particularly suited for. If i decide to take Harriet's words to heart, i can be patient and wait for the right events to come in to place. I suppose i have reason to believe that either could work. Yet at this point in my life, as much as i no longer want to be alone, i find myself caught in the middle, unwilling to sit idle for things to happen on their own, yet agitated and increasingly impatient at the prospects of waiting for the right person to come along. I really don't know what to believe, but knowing me i'll take the path of least resistance. I've tried to be active in seeking out people, and that's only left me dissapointed and saddened. Patience is a virtue i am not fond of, but will have to grow accustomed to. Do things happen for a reason? I don't know, sometimes they might?

I wish i could make up my mind on these things.

Settling In

So i think i'm finally starting to settle in to this full time work thing. We've caught up at work as far as emails go, so this past week was back to the normal M-F 9-6 work period. It was nice to gain some normality back in life, working during the day, and coming home to watch some TV, DVDs, and video games. With UCI starting, it was nice to go out to lunch with Anh-Thu earlier, so i finally had some company during lunch rather then just sittin there with my Sports page reading alone. Although... i should pick up a new book to read since i have an hour away from sitting infront of the compy at work. Hmm... i'll have to visit the bookstore. Looks like i'll be able to hang out with Jon in the evening once in awhile as well, to make our ususal DVD rounds, although i'm sure he'll go himself during the day for particularly big releases. Oh well.

Saw Brian for the first time in awhile today... goin to Fry's with him and Jon, with Erica comin along to get a prescription. So that was pretty cool... another friend in the gaming industry. It's interesting that Brian is set on working with video games. I really think at this point that i would like to do the same, although i'm probably leaning towards the technical side of things. I like things at Blizzard though, so i'm really hoping i can remain there for as long as i can. Staying in Irvine would be a big perk for me.

Chargers lost :(

Was gonna go to San Diego today, but I really didn't feel like driving down in the rain. Maybe i'm just a wuss, but still, might as well avoid the hassle when i can. I haven't been down in quite some time though, and i'd really like to visit some people. I'm not so sure the rain will be clear tomorrow, so i don't know if i'll be going down or not. But i guess we'll see. I bought the Sims 2 for Betty, so i need to give that to her.

Cleaned up my room a bit today, although it would have made sense to have done that earlier before Abe, Nik, and Anh-Thu visited. Oh well. Did some more rearranging so my desk is nice and clean now, as well as moving things around on my DVD shelf. I really need to keep things clean instead of letting things get so messy.

Watched Troy today... Brad Pitt and Eric Bana are bad ass in that movie.



My Care Bear Cousin Monkey, just cuz he's so cute

Perspectives

Spent over an hour on the phone tonight with Harriet... it's strange how i'm able to feel comfortable and talk with certain people, yet have trouble coming up with anything to say with others. That was a big problem when i first started seeing Jennifer... and it took some time before i felt comfortable to be myself and just chat normally. I think i have that issue with a lot of people, leaving me feeling awkward and trying to reach too hard for something interesting to talk about rather then letting a conversation flow. It certainly tells me that i'm not THAT anti-social with everyone. I guess it's just a matter of finding the right people to talk to. Regardless, its always nice talking to Harriet about life.

I was thinkin the other day how it's strange that my perspectives on a lot of aspects in life haven't really changed despite getting older. Not so much how my opinions have changed, but how i see everything or everyone around me. I mean, when i look at all my friends it's hard for me to remember that we're all grown up now and moving on to the other things. For the most part, it feels like we're still the same kids in middle school or high school. I guess the same goes with my brother. Here he is in graduate school, working on his PHD and working as a TA, but it's hard to look at him in the same vein as the TA's i had in school. He's still the guy that kicked my ass all the time when i was little and watched a ton of cartoons with. I don't know if that's ever going to change, or if it matters if that doesn't change. Maybe when i myself are finally able to settle down with a family, will i realize how time has passed by and how everyone has changed.

Hopefully out to get some DVDs tomorrow with Jon, who i haven't seen since i started working at Blizzard. It'll be nice to make our rounds to different stores again, albeit in the evening now after work.

Might be heading down to San Diego this weekend to visit some friends. I haven't been there in months (september?), so it'll be nice to visit again and hang out with people. I always promised myself that i'd stay close to the friends i make; I need to adhere to that. At least do my best to while i can.

USC killed OU tonight. I don't care much for college football, or USC, but there's certainly a sense of So Cal pride there, especially after everyone was saying how soft or overrated SC was. Cool beans.

Happy New Year

So it's another new year... which means a few things. One, a 2nd year in a row where i didn't get to kiss a girl at midnight. Two, it'll be a pain to remember to write 05 when i date things. Three, i'll have to try and keep another new year's resolution that i'll probably forget about in a few months. And finally, i suppose i'll have some more high hopes for the coming year that will probably never be met. Granted, my expectations aren't going to be particularly high after having such a craptastic end to the previous year, but every year it seems there will be a few things that i hope to accomplish or that i hope will come to me, and every year it doesn't pan out like i hope. I guess that's true for most people, except for a few lucky individuals out there that always seem to be lucky. I suppose there was a time when that used to be me, but luck has got to run out some time. Although since i'm on a current upswing in life, maybe that'll continue.

Anyway, i finally finished a gruelling 7 straight days of work, including multiple 10 hour days, and having to work Friday and today forcing me to lose sleep after being up for New Years. I'm pretty worn down from it, and tomorrow is going to be a much appreciated day off. Sleep, relax, watch football, maybe go shopping a little bit, and fix Anh-Thu's dad's compy. Somehow i think i'm going to start cherishing my free time quite a bit now. I'm finding out that despite there being a handful of DVDs and movies i want to check out, i know i simply dont have the time to watch them anymore because of work. While that's a shame, i suppose it'll be nice to save the money for other things.

So for New Years, we all went over to Mai's boyfriend Daniel's apartment at UCI and spent the night playing Texas Hold'Em. It was a load of fun, especially with Nik's poker set and table. Pretty cool stuff. Too bad i lost going all in to Anh-Thu. Is it just me or do i seem to lose to her at a lot of things. Grrr. Anyway, watched the New Years stuff on TV, and also went out to a basketball court for some random shooting games. It was nice to get out and shoot around, although my legs are feeling a bit tired today. That's pretty sad. I need to get out and exercise more when i can. That said, a nice evening despite the lack of a girly to kiss and getting home after 2.

Thursday night i got a chance to talk to Harriet on the phone while she's back in San Jose. It was so great to talk to her, and hopefully we'll talk often during the year. She means so much to me these days, helping me through tough times. I feel sorry that the guy she loves is so far away in Australia. She deserves the best, and i hate to see her cry. I think we've become closer through emails the last few months, and that's great for me. I need that confidant, and i'm glad it's her. She's like my big sis, and always there for me.

Got a lot of Happy New Year IM's, so thanks to everyone that left me messages. It was nice to get a message from Jennifer in Vietnam too. I'll hafta write her another email.

I guess that's it, i think there were more things i wanted to write but i forget. I think i'll take some random pictures tomorrow too, including Abe's uber cool Chambord gift set and stuff.